Dark Night of the Soul

I don't know much about Saint John of the Cross, except that he was a Spanish mystic, poet and priest who lived about 500 years ago and came up with the phrase, "The Dark Night of the Soul". He saw The Dark Night of the Soul as an inevitable part of the spiritual journey.

I think of the last few days as a Dark Night of the Soul experience, and although it was very unpleasant and I don't look forward to experiencing it again, there was something about it that seems useful. I took a look at my fear of death, decay and helplessness. I was afraid. It's useful, now that it's past, to see how strong that fear can be. It is also useful, now that it is past, to see the way out of that fear.

I know part of this is biochemical, and sometimes a person will have an elaborate philosophical, psychological, spiritual or poetic explanation for something that comes down to chemicals in the brain, but bear with me.

Things turned around when I shifted from thinking about the future to living in the present.

Thoughts on cheering up

Thanks everyone for your kind words during my brief journey into the dark night of the soul.

I am now back to a more normal state of cheerful amazement, resting in the present moment, the Eternal Now, the Big Mystery. It is once again obvious that Life is Good.

I am the Universe, speaking to you through the body mind of Tom Carr, whispering "Enjoy your life".

Back to Work

I retired when I was 54. I was a computer programmer, software developer. I am now 58.

In October when the stock market was crashing I got a call from a guy named Steve who runs the information systems department at a local mid size company. He wanted to know if I would be interested in doing some part time work. Someone I had worked with in the past was now working for him and had recommended me.

A few months earlier I would have turned him down. The life of total leisure was too much fun. I would not even have talked to him, but the stock market crash was giving me second thoughts about the wisdom of early retirement. I met with Steve and liked him. I was surprised at how excited I got as he talked about the system and the project. A side of my personality woke up that is like a little kid who sees working with computer systems as playing with fancy toys.

He made me an offer and I accepted. I would be working 20 hours a week at home. He gave me a new state of the art computer with all the best development software. I would make more than enough to live on from that part time work and could even add a little to my retirement investments. It is an ongoing project. If it works out I will be doing it for several years.

This started out as my way of sleeping better at night in the current economic conditions, but so far it has also been great fun.

I was lucky to get the offer. At my age, and having been out of the market for 4 years, it is unusual to get calls offering well paid part time programming work. He actually prefers hiring older workers because we are more stable. Life is a mixture of good luck and bad luck. This was my good luck.

Thoughts on Religion and Spiritual Life

I don't claim any profound knowledge. I can just tell you some of my theories. They could all be wrong but are my best understanding at this point in my life. Here goes:

I think the potential for spiritual experience is something that is within everyone. It is very difficult to describe. Maybe impossible to describe. In attempting to put it into words people have called it the Grace of God, Union with God, Enlightenment, Spiritual Awakening and lots of other things. It can change your life, fill you with awe and wonder and love and beauty. It is the most important thing. It is Beautiful Beyond Words. Any attempt to put it into words falls short.

This thing is within human nature. People all over the world with all kinds of different beliefs have this experience. It often comes with a feeling of absolute certainty. When they come down a from the Mountain Top people try to describe the indescribable, try to understand that which is beyond understanding. They will describe the experience based on their culture and beliefs. If they are Christian they will be absolutely certain the experience proves the truth of their Christian faith. If Moslem they will be absolutely certain the experience proves the truth of their Moslem faith. If Buddhist or Hindu or Jewish absolutely certain it proves the truth of that faith.

I think the spiritual experience doesn't prove anything about any faith. It just is.

I think the various religious beliefs are actually a problem that create confusion. They create separation between people of different faiths. They are based on old superstitions and really don't have much to do with the Spiritual Experience, the Big Truth beyond language.

I think that by letting go of the various religious beliefs and old superstitions we can actually lead a deep spiritual life.

Those are my thoughts.